It was December of 2015 in sunny Los Angeles California in the heart of Hollywood. I stood next to my wife in a line surrounded by hundreds of other people on our way to watch Star Wars. When suddenly I was engulfed with fear and panic, as my body began to fade. In this moment my mind was full of clarity, but my body insisted it was in danger. I looked around and I told myself I was safe, I was fine. But I was convinced that something was wrong. Before I knew it I felt as though I was going to fall and fade away. My body grew weak and soon enough I found myself in a hospital bed being told what I went through was anxiety. I refused to believe this story. I searched and searched for the cause of what had happened to me. I began to feel detached from reality. I felt as though I was seeing the world through a glass. I got blood work done. Analysis of my mind and body to no avail. The doctor said it was anxiety, but how could it be anxiety? How could anxiety make me physically feel off balance?How could anxiety make me feel as though I was fading from this world and on the brink of death? Derealization - The sense of being out of one’s body. I’m not here. I’m not me. I’m not real. Nothing is Nothing but this feeling of panic, Nobody understands, Nobody knows the sufferings. This physical feeling, It can’t be anxiety, It can’t, Or can it?
Can it in fact be the mind controlling the body?Yeah, of course I’m so in control of my mind and my body but I’m subconsciously forcing myself into a state of self bondage entangled by the ropes of my own mind. I am unhappy, not with life but with this feeling. I am scared, I am human, I am a man but I look in the mirror and I see a child. I am an adult who recognizes grown ups don’t really know shit and they never did and it scares me (be)cause now I’m just a grown up who doesn’t know shit. But one thing is I do know this feeling, this horrible feeling is going to kill me. No, no this feeling, this anxiety is nothing. I have anxietyJust like you, the person I wrote this for and together we will overcome this feeling. We will remember despite the attacks and constant feeling of our mind and body being on the edge, That we are alive and any moments we have free of this feeling we will not take for granted. We will rejoice in this gift that is life. We will rejoice in this day that we have been given. We will accept our anxiety and strive for the betterment of ourselves Starting with mental health we will accept ourselves as we are and we will be happy with the person we see in the mirror. We will accept ourselves and live with anxiety